a dimly burning wick

 

Often, when we hold services at church, we light candles, as a visible reminder that Jesus is the Light that shines in the darkness of this world. At this time of year, when it is dark when the 8.00 a.m. Sunday service starts, this symbolism is especially profound.

This morning, the member of the congregation who was setting out the space came to light the two candles that sit on either side of the windowsill behind the altar. The first candle lit, as normal; but the other would not light. And so he spent several minutes trying to coax it into flame, trimming the wick, to no avail. It sputtered into life, only to give up the ghost. Eventually, it was time for the service to begin, and so he needed to leave it, for now, and return to it later.

This was not planned, nor had I spiked the candle so that it would not light, yet this was a visual aid to what God wanted to say to us today. In Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany, our Old Testament readings mostly come from the book of the prophet Isaiah, much of whose poetic vision is rehearsed, six hundred years later, by Jesus in the role of the Servant. Today we read:

‘a bruised reed he will not break,

and a dimly burning wick he will not quench’

(Isaiah 42.1-9)

A dimly burning wick he will not quench. Rather, like Ray this morning, Jesus holds us with tenderness and compassion, coaxing the flame of faith.

And this morning it was a gift to us to have two candles, one burning brightly, the other cold. Because, there are times when our faith is sure, when we know that God loves us, loves our neighbour, and so, we are able to love our neighbour too. And there are times when our faith burns dimly, sputters and fails. When we find it hard to accept — to imagine that it is possible — that God could possibly love me, unliveable as I am.

But we do not come to God on our own, we come together. Sometimes, my faith shines bright, when yours does not; at other times, it is your faith that shines, when mine is dim. Yet there is room on the windowsill for both candles. And the one that cannot ignite today will yet be tended into flame, whether today or later.

A bruised reed he will not break, and a dimly burning wick he will not quench.

There are times when we are all bruised. Sometimes by the way we witness the world handling others — overly roughly, without appropriate care. Sometimes we are bruised by the circumstances of our own lives, or the lives of those close to us. Sometimes we are bruised by those sides to our personality we find hardest to live with. We are not always bruised, but we bruise easily. And we are tempted to harden our hearts: I have been hurt before, I will not allow it to happen to me again. But this will not save us, for the more we harden our hearts, the more we bruise one another. It is not hard hearts we need, but gentle hands. And here, again, we are reminded that Jesus cares for us with tenderness and compassion.

When we are bruised, when our faith is dim, at these times and in these places may we have epiphanies of our own. May we encounter Jesus, and may the eyes of our hearts be opened to his healing love, making us whole again.

 

Image: photo shows the altar in the Lady Chapel at our 8.00 a.m. service this morning. There are two brass candlesticks on the windowsill behind the altar, one at either end with a brass cross between them. The candle on the right is lit, the one on the left is unlit. Our curate, Katherine, is seated behind the altar. The altar is set ready for Holy Communion, with a silver ciborium (holding bread wafers) and chalice (for wine) and a brass bookstand holding the Book of Common Prayer.

 

slow horses

 

Over Christmas we rearranged chairs to allow more people to sit around our table, and I rearranged bookshelves to make room for the first eight Slough House novels (to be joined by the ninth, when it comes out in paperback). Mick Herron is a great writer, consistently achieving an addictive blend of spy thriller and very dark comedy.

Slough House is (allegedly) where MI5 redeploys failed spies who might pursue legal challenges to being made redundant, with the intention of grinding them down with work so unfulfilling that they chose to walk away. By definition, the residents of Slough House — referred to as Slow Horses — are F*ck Ups (have messed up with serious consequences) or Issues (potentially compromising addictions to alcohol, drugs, or gambling; PTSD) — or both — condemned to live out their days under the infuriatingly watchful eye of the deeply (darkly comically) obnoxious Jackson Lamb.

What makes whatever happens to this unlikely combination of less-than-likeable characters compelling is that it is clear that Mick Herron loves them (even if he is willing to bump characters off relentlessly for the sake of the storyline). And though he would never admit it to them (and perhaps not to himself) and, even if he could, they (being F*ck Ups or Issues) wouldn’t be able to accept it, Jackson Lamb loves them, too.

I don’t live in the world of security intelligence-gathering. But that isn’t the point. I recognise what I am reading because almost everyone I know (including myself) is either a F*ck Up or an Issue. Seriously. And because, as a priest — and, indeed, as a (as any) follower of Jesus — I am called to love them (including myself) even so.

To love the unlikeable, to really love them, which is the only thing that transforms anyone, calls for a different kind of intelligence-gathering. One built not on ‘what disaster might we prevent (by whatever means/force necessary)?’ (sin management) but ‘what goodness, what beauty, might become possible, which we could never have imagined?’ The slow and often seemingly pointless task of getting to know what makes that person tick; their hopes and dreams, their worries and fears; their sense of self, constructed from stories, lies, half-truths. The shame they need to be freed from. The dignity that is, in fact, inherent to them, that needs to be recognised.

So, I am enjoying the slow horses and appreciating what they have to teach me.

 

Advent 2025 : day twenty-five

 

The Advent calendars I knew as a child had little card doors you prized open revealing an image and a verse relating to the story of Jesus’ birth. An online Advent calendar has no such physical doors, but might yet open onto vistas, perhaps for the first time, perhaps familiar friends.

Today is Christmas Eve, the threshold we cross-over between Advent and Christmas. The X that marks the spot of X-mas, of the Mass in Celebration of the Birth of the Christ. Today, past, present, and future coincide and we find ourselves in the presence of the One who Was and Is and Is-To-Come. On this night the angels sang/sing/hold their breath in readiness for the first note, and we press into that holy intake, as fit to burst as any child on Christmas morning.

Come, Lord Jesus.

 

Advent 2025 : day twenty-four

 

We have almost reached the end of Advent. For some of the people I have walked this Advent with, it has been their first conscious Advent. I have known more than fifty – and kept a daily online calendar for twenty consecutive years. Some years, I have had a good idea of what I wanted to say, in poetry, philosophy, biblical studies, practical rituals that reinforce faith, or simply photographs. Other years, I have had no such clarity, and inspiration has been hard-won. And yet, year after year, the same but different – and finding me in different places, on different levels – Advent speaks. Never runs out of ways to point to the One who comes as God-with-us, bringing Light to our darkness.

There is a moment, just before the dawn, when the heavens are still clothed in deepest blue and the bright morning star can be seen, ringing true as any bell, and e’en so here below below peals of rose and gold are swung over sleeping streets. Where star- and moonlight and sunlight all dance and sing. The day is near! The Day is near now!

 

Advent 2025 : day twenty-three

 

Now we have entered those out-of-time days, those days that will become especially dense between Christmas and New Year when no-one knows what day it is, cut loose from the markers and rhythms of the ‘working’ week. We have entered those days, as many people – and certainly schoolchildren – are now Off Until After Christmas, even if others will work until Christmas Eve (and still others, some by preference, some by necessity, will keep working all through the holiday season).

The working week, of course, is not the only way to mark time. There is the sacred calendar (or, rather, there are sacred calendars, of the ‘Western’ and ‘Eastern’ Churches, as well as of other faiths) whereby we (in the ‘Western’ Church) might mark the eight-day Antiphons from 17 December onward; Christmas Eve; Christmas Day; the twelve-day Feast of Christmas – from the eve of 25 December to the eve of 6 January, and themselves including the feast days of Stephen, 26, John the Evangelist, 27, the Holy Innocents, 28; the Feast of the Epiphany on 6 January; and the duration of Christmastide until Candlemas on 2 February. Dark winter days and nights, punctuated by noting light in the darkness. Without in any way dismissing the darkness. Simply being shaped to see in the dark.

And this invites us to be in two realities at once: the one we can see with our eyes, and the deeper reality we can see with the eyes of our heart. Out of chronological time (chronos) and stepping into theological time (kairos) where everything – however unlovely – is caught up in the love of God.

May this transform our lives, and our life work, to the glory of God and the common good.

 

Advent 2025 : day twenty-two

 

What a day it has been.

We all know that a day is the length of time it takes for a full rotation of the Earth, in relation to the Sun: just shy of twenty-four hours.

And that a day is the span of light between sunrise and sunset. In the northern hemisphere, today is the shortest day. Where I live, that span stretches from 08:29 to 15:39 – and even then, cloud cover and sea-mist blocked out the light.

Days are not just measured by clocks, but also by hearts. For some, this day has been a time of celebration, of a birthday or anniversary, a day of ‘many happy returns,’ perhaps even so joyous that time stood still. For others, this day, short though it has been, has dragged on unbearably, almost immeasurably, slowly, held back by physical pain or emotional heartache. For others again, nightfall comes as a saving grace.

Days are not simply units of time, but layers of existence, possibilities of awareness of what the ancient Hebrew poet Isaiah named Emmanuel – God is with us. In the days that are too short, too long, too dark, too unbearably bright.

May you now God with you today.

 

Advent 2025 : day twenty-one

 

In China Miéville’s 2009 speculative novel, ‘The City & The City’ the two cities of Besźel and Ul Qoma exist in the same grosstopography but belong to separate jurisdictions, neighbouring states. Unlike divided cities, such as Berlin after WWII, Besźel and Ul Qoma overlay and in places crosshatch each other. But from childhood, the citizens of each state are taught to unsee the people, and civic artefacts – architecture, vehicles, clothing, language, etc. – of their topolganger. That is, to see (so that you do not walk into them, do not get hit by their cars) but not see; to register but not register. To studiously not look at what is right in front of you, for fear of swift reprisal. It is an interesting allegory of our ability to see only what we want to see, and to police what others see.

While a political novel, it can also be read theologically, and in particular in the light of Advent, that season of waiting in readiness for the return of Jesus, who first came into the world in the event we celebrate at Christmas. A season of learning to see realities we have been taught, from childhood, to unsee: faithfulness, lovingkindness, justice, events that have no place in a world shaped by rapacious greed and self-interest, by the oppression anyone branded ‘the other’ by powerful men. To believe that the state we have been told is superior is, in fact, only one side of a whole, and drab when compared to the vibrancy that is all around us yet prohibited. To not fear transgressing borders, in the hope of unification, while recognising that what is good news for many is an existential threat to those most actively invested in (benefiting from) the status quo.